Want to feel good? Change your story!

lifestyle-101-of-104Every event that unfolds in the present moment, is an experience to teach us something. To help us love who we are, to expand consciously and enjoy life!

Who I was in the past, what I experienced, what I believed, is not who I am today, I know this, yet lately I’ve been noticing that my subconscious loves digging up my sad stories from the past and effortlessly voicing them in the present, which when dating, can make me seem like a bit of a head case!

It’s no surprise really that my latest date has unfortunately gone quiet and pulled away, but in a way, I’m grateful because the space has got me thinking…why am I bringing up my sad stories and limiting beliefs from the past when we are together, I don’t do this when I’m single?

Why I am self sabotaging my dating experience!?!

Could it be, by repeating the sad stories and limiting beliefs in every relationship, I now bring up the crap unconsciously? Rather than let them go, I’ve held on to them. I blame the guy when it doesn’t work out, which means when i’m single, my toxic beliefs just go into hibernation, which explains why as soon as I start dating again, they resurface.

Well today i decided that enough was enough, it was time to a ‘limiting belief and sad stories from the past’ detox!

So I jumped in the car, drove out to the mountains, and while walking in nature ( I believe mother nature is very powerful when it comes to nurturing healing ), I allowed every sad story, limiting thought, belief and past experience to surface in my mind.

And in the forest, with no one around but my thoughts, I realised that when it comes to love, I had been holding myself back, I had been my worse enemy. šŸ˜¦

As I witnessed my thoughts, I also witnessed the sick feeling in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the tears that wanted to fall down my cheek ( pain and discomfort I’ve chosen to ignore in the past ). I didn’t hold back, I allowed it to all to unfold. I fearlessly allowed myself to feel all of it. I cried, I laughed, I yelled and most importantly I loved.

I reminded myself that who I was in the past, is not who I am in the present.Ā In the present I am whole, I am strong, I am wise, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am fun, I am compassionate, I am fearless, I am love.

With every thought and feelingĀ that surfaced, I focused on my heart space, I imagined the lightness within me expanding, going out to everyone and everything ( including the latest date who’s disappeared ) I told myself that I am not my sad stories and my limiting thoughts and beliefs.

I told myself… I AM LOVE.

When I choose to feel love, when I remind myself that love is who I am, all the limiting beliefs and sad stories from the past ( and the future ) dissolve away and I create a new story that’s awesome! A story that is filled with optimism, excitement, joy and love.

A feel good story, that I choose to believe šŸ™‚

Believing I am lovable!

loveI’ve been hurt many times in the past when it comes to dating, I’ve been lied to, manipulated, cheated on, or as soon as I feel trusting enough to drop my guard and open up, it’s not reciprocated and I feel like a fool who expressed love to a brick wall.

So in each new experience of meeting someone new that I like, there is a fine line of me of wanting to remain guarded to feel protected, but also knowing that in order for someone to warm to me, IĀ have to be vulnerable and open up, trusting that this time it will be different.

In the past, I would put so much weight on how the person I was seeing would react to me, how they would respond and behave, especially when I shared something deep and meaningful.

I would re-read text messages and emails trying to over analyse every word that was said. I would mentally grade every response, trying to figure out if we were on the same page when it came to our feelings.

As I found myself recently slipping back in to this old way of thinking and behaving, I quickly realised what I was doing wrong. Rather than feeling good and enjoying the experience, I was questioning if I was lovable.

I wanted to share this honest post because I feel its so important to be reminded of this. When it comes to relationships, why do we often question if we are lovable? I feel it’s because we forget who we are.

Who we are, when we remove all our limiting thoughts, beliefs and past experiences, is a pure conscious being filled with love.

If we understand this, if we take a moment to be mindful, close our eyes, breathe, become a witness to our true essence, we can create a beautiful loving space where we can feel it, where we can be reminded.

In our mind we create our reality. We can either choose to think we aren’t loveable, and that we need someone else to make this decision for us, or we can choose to simply believe that we are!

When I choose to believe that I am lovable, because my true nature is love, I have nothing to fear when it comes to dating, instead I feel bloody good about myself!

They say love attracts love, which is why its so important when dating to not doubt your lovability, to not wait to be told, but just believe wholeheartedly that you are… because you are! šŸ™‚

How to date…honestly

A photo by Alejandro Escamilla. unsplash.com/photos/BbQLHCpVUqAWhen it comes to dating, there are so many articles out there with rules around how you should behave, especially in the early stages of dating ( I know I’ve read the books and Googled it ).

For women, we are told to refrain from making contact, that it’s better if you allow the man to chase you. We are told to pretty much remain quiet at the start, let him make the decisions, be available, but not too available.

In other words get on with your life and when you do hear from him, refrain from being needy, instead be sweet, fun and easy breezy.

Now there is an element of this that I do agree with, you do seem to get a stronger indication if a guy is interested if you let him take lead, but there is also an element of this I find challenging, as it requires me to hold back from being authentic, from being 100% real.

Having to question what I want to say and behave so that I don’t scare a guy off is me having to filter who I am, in order to make someone else happy.

Today, my new experience was that rather than filter myself, I decided to break the dating rules and openly share with the man I am seeing, what I wanted and needed when it comes to communication.

What I’ve realised is that when you start dating someone, you are not just dating another person, you are dating another mind with different thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. And there is a good chance, the way you think is going to be different, especially between a man and a woman. ( Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus by John Gray- a must read when it comes to this topic! )

From my personal experience, in order for a relationship to work, it is vital that both people involve are allowed to speak truthfully about anything and everything they choose to express in order for the relationship to grow authentically.

When it comes to dating, my advice is don’t be afraid to be real, love who you are, and if the two of you are meant to be together, each present moment will create the space for you to happily continue seeing each otherĀ šŸ™‚

What lights you up?

lifestyle-25-of-104-copy-3What are you truely passionate about, what is your purpose?

We seem to get asked this question a lot these days, and I understand why, knowing the answer is what motivates happiness and success.

Tonight I attended a group workshop run by Collection Potential, a Melbourne based self development social enterprise committed to helping people create the change they want to see.

Part of the experience, was being guided to connect and sharing honestly with strangers, pushing through vulnerability. Questions we asked each other, once paired up, was ‘What lights you up?’ over and over again, then followed by ‘ What doesn’t light you up?’

This new experience of answering these two simple questions, openly with someone i’ve never met before, made me realise that thankfully, I am very aware of what lights me up.

However it also seems that what doesn’t, all my doubts and fears around my own capabilities, is what is holding me back from truely living my life.

Tonight a complete stranger, who I had only spoken to for around 30 minutes,Ā shared with meĀ that he felt it was a privilege to have spoken to me and that he could see me being very successful at all that I wanted to achieve. Awww.. nice hey?

Connection, being real, believing in yourself, loving who you are…that’s what lights me up!

So…what lights you up? I’d love to hear from you x

Top tips for Mindful Dating

mindful-datingI used to find dating an incredibly anxious and stressful experience, because I would hand over my self worth to a man I’d just met, rather than value and love who I am!

During my dates rather than enjoying myself, my mind would be obsessing over the outfit I’d chosen,Ā worrying about whether he finds me attractive and if he even liked what I was saying.

My mind would also try and figure out if my date was ticking enough boxes, could I see us together in 5 years, is there any chemistry, what if he tries to make a move and I’m not interested, what if I am interested and he rejects me… etc etc.

The reason I am saying all of this is because lately I’ve started dating again ( thank you Tinder ) and due to now being more self aware, living more mindfully, I’ve been experiencing dating in a completely new way.

Walking in to every date without any expectation of the future, focusing onĀ just being present, loving who I am, being myself, having fun, has been a very positive experience, not just for me but also my date.

If you want to remove stress, anxiety, worry and concern from your dating experience, here are a few mindful dating tips to remember

  • Love who you are! Before you leave the house stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful, wise, kind, fabulous, sexy, funny and extremely loveable! Remind yourself that you are not going on the date to get the guy’s approval, you already know that you are awesome, you are going on the date to get to know someone new and have fun!
  • Be mindful of your thoughts and don’t believe anything that pops up that is negative or unhelpful, remind yourself that your true essence is love!
  • Be yourself, be authentic, value your uniqueness, it’s what makes you one of a kind!
  • Ask lots of questions and listen, engage with the other person, learn something new from what they are sharing, you’re there to get to know your date, the more questions the better!
  • Smile,Ā not only is smiling addictive, but it will release endorphins which will make you feel even more happy!

And most importantly…

Have fun!!

Dating should be enjoyable, so whenever you notice your mind wandering, getting caught up in the future, take a deep breathe and come back to the present. Where life truely unfoldsĀ šŸ™‚

Can having a new experience each day make you more creative?

lifestyle-19-of-104-copyLatest research is that new experiences boost creativity. They create more flexibility in the mind, which then stimulates more Ā of those ‘light bulb’ moments we crave!

To gain more creative insight in the mind, the scientific experts recommend doing any form of activity that allows the mind to wander freely. Activities like taking long walks, freestyle writing, listening to music, creative projects, yoga, meditation and even daydreaming ( something I did loads of when I was a kid ).

They also suggest to be more social, exercise, sit in a coffee shop, spend time outdoors and try something new! Sit outside a box ( literally ) and look for unexpected experiences!

Lately I’ve been procrastinating BIG TIME on my course work, due to a lack of ideas, and my health has been rubbish, which is why I feel a ’30 Day New Experience Challenge’ is exactly what I need to get the creative juices flowing again!

So what are the rules? For the next 30 days, I just need to experience a new experience every day.

I want to discover if stepping outside my comfort zone has any effect on my mental wellbeing?

Will good things take place, will more ideas flow, will my health improve, will I feel happier and gain more mental clarity?

Can having new experiences every day boost creativity? Watch this space in 30 days! šŸ™‚

Focusing on TODAY is what makes you most HAPPY!

happyWhy is it that we always tend to focus on what we don’t have, so much so, it can make us feel like shit?!

Just when I was mentally listing all the things that were missing from my life, a good friend overseas sent me an email. She too was upset that her life wasn’t going to plan, and had increased her consumption of red wine, in order to escape feeling unease.

We’ve been good friends since the age of 16, and we both thought that by 35 ( our age now ) we would be married, we’d have successful careers, own property and be a few years away from popping out kids.

But the reality is we are both still single, both uncertain about our current careers, have yet to invest in a mortgageĀ and now have the pressure that our biological clocks have a good 4-6 years left, if best.

I instantly felt compassion for her, I could feel her pain. To help her not feel alone in her suffering, I shared with her my current ‘life is not going how I want it to go’ list.

  • Work ( I’ll be unemployed in a week- again – and no one wants to hire me?! Ā )
  • Home ( My flatmate moves out in 2 weeks and I can’t seem to find anyone right to move in?!Ā )
  • Career ( What the hell am I good at, what is my life’s purpose?! Ā )
  • Dating ( Total lack of action happening in this area, why have i yet to meet someone?! )
  • Money ( More money is going out than in, and I don’t know when my next pay cheque will be?!Ā )

After giving her pretty juicy detailed paragraphs on each topic, I then realised that actually, all the things I was complaining about, were things that will soon change, whether I like it or not.

Rather than accept the current circumstances as being exactly as they should be, the mind seems to find more comfort in making life out to be a MASSIVE struggle!! As humans we like to complain about what we don’t have, we like to play the victim, ‘oh you think your life is bad, listen to mine’ sort of thing.

When writing down my list of complaints,Ā I could clearly see all the negative thoughts and beliefs that were getting in my own way. It was clear that within every ‘so called’ struggle I actually had the power within my own mind to see it in a different way. I could either feel stressed and depressed, or I could feel chilled out and content.

  • Work ( I’llĀ get work- I always do – and while I’m unemployed, I’ll catch up on my course work that’s due!)
  • Home ( I’ll find an awesome flatmate- I always do!Ā )
  • Career ( Just be patient, follow charm, the right work will reveal itself!Ā )
  • Dating ( It will happen when I least expect it- it always does!)
  • Money ( I have more than enough, I’ll be fine, it’s all good!Ā )

Within a few minutes my mind went from negative nancy to positive… pauline?

We carry so much fear around the future, yet it’s not the future that’s the problem, it’s our minds wanting it to go a certain way!

FACT- Life is out of our control, every thought the mind produces you can never predict, if you could, tell me what you are about to think in the next minute? It’s impossible. Every new thought turns into a action ( if you allow it ) which then creates a new life event.

To add to that, everything external is also out of our control ( nature, health, other peoples thoughts and actions ) which means obsessing about an ideal future is pointless, as there is a good chance something completely different will take place!

LifeĀ loves to throw unexpected curve balls, ( you lose your job, your partner cheats on you, a family member get sick ) yet the best thing to do, is just try to juggle those balls in the present moment, using self love, optimism and kindness.

Self awareness gives you master skills to juggle the curve balls. Self awareness helps you love who you are, not tomorrow, but today.