Believing I am lovable!

loveI’ve been hurt many times in the past when it comes to dating, I’ve been lied to, manipulated, cheated on, or as soon as I feel trusting enough to drop my guard and open up, it’s not reciprocated and I feel like a fool who expressed love to a brick wall.

So in each new experience of meeting someone new that I like, there is a fine line of me of wanting to remain guarded to feel protected, but also knowing that in order for someone to warm to me, I have to be vulnerable and open up, trusting that this time it will be different.

In the past, I would put so much weight on how the person I was seeing would react to me, how they would respond and behave, especially when I shared something deep and meaningful.

I would re-read text messages and emails trying to over analyse every word that was said. I would mentally grade every response, trying to figure out if we were on the same page when it came to our feelings.

As I found myself recently slipping back in to this old way of thinking and behaving, I quickly realised what I was doing wrong. Rather than feeling good and enjoying the experience, I was questioning if I was lovable.

I wanted to share this honest post because I feel its so important to be reminded of this. When it comes to relationships, why do we often question if we are lovable? I feel it’s because we forget who we are.

Who we are, when we remove all our limiting thoughts, beliefs and past experiences, is a pure conscious being filled with love.

If we understand this, if we take a moment to be mindful, close our eyes, breathe, become a witness to our true essence, we can create a beautiful loving space where we can feel it, where we can be reminded.

In our mind we create our reality. We can either choose to think we aren’t loveable, and that we need someone else to make this decision for us, or we can choose to simply believe that we are!

When I choose to believe that I am lovable, because my true nature is love, I have nothing to fear when it comes to dating, instead I feel bloody good about myself!

They say love attracts love, which is why its so important when dating to not doubt your lovability, to not wait to be told, but just believe wholeheartedly that you are… because you are! 🙂

Rejoice in the present!

lifestyle-14-of-104My beautiful yoga teacher shared this idea today during class. To rejoice in the present moment, not just be aware of being present, but fully embrace it, get excited about it!

I loved hearing this, what a beautiful, yet simple notion.

So often we are consumed with thoughts on fixing ourselves, thoughts on how we could improve our lives, needing or desiring something in the future to make us feel better, rather than just being happy with what we have right now, in the present moment.

In this present moment I rejoice in my heart beating, feeling connected to the universal source of energy that is life!

Simply feeling alive, being a witness to it all unfold, I let go of the worry, I enjoy the moment.

I feel happy, I feel excited, I feel joy, I feel love! 🙂

Top tips for Mindful Dating

mindful-datingI used to find dating an incredibly anxious and stressful experience, because I would hand over my self worth to a man I’d just met, rather than value and love who I am!

During my dates rather than enjoying myself, my mind would be obsessing over the outfit I’d chosen, worrying about whether he finds me attractive and if he even liked what I was saying.

My mind would also try and figure out if my date was ticking enough boxes, could I see us together in 5 years, is there any chemistry, what if he tries to make a move and I’m not interested, what if I am interested and he rejects me… etc etc.

The reason I am saying all of this is because lately I’ve started dating again ( thank you Tinder ) and due to now being more self aware, living more mindfully, I’ve been experiencing dating in a completely new way.

Walking in to every date without any expectation of the future, focusing on just being present, loving who I am, being myself, having fun, has been a very positive experience, not just for me but also my date.

If you want to remove stress, anxiety, worry and concern from your dating experience, here are a few mindful dating tips to remember

  • Love who you are! Before you leave the house stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful, wise, kind, fabulous, sexy, funny and extremely loveable! Remind yourself that you are not going on the date to get the guy’s approval, you already know that you are awesome, you are going on the date to get to know someone new and have fun!
  • Be mindful of your thoughts and don’t believe anything that pops up that is negative or unhelpful, remind yourself that your true essence is love!
  • Be yourself, be authentic, value your uniqueness, it’s what makes you one of a kind!
  • Ask lots of questions and listen, engage with the other person, learn something new from what they are sharing, you’re there to get to know your date, the more questions the better!
  • Smile, not only is smiling addictive, but it will release endorphins which will make you feel even more happy!

And most importantly…

Have fun!!

Dating should be enjoyable, so whenever you notice your mind wandering, getting caught up in the future, take a deep breathe and come back to the present. Where life truely unfolds 🙂

Why forgiveness is so powerful

kindessThis morning I woke up to a message on Facebook from a past friend who I’d experienced a very hurtful falling out with a few years ago.

Up until this day, he is the only person in my life who I had unresolved conflict with, so to receive such heartfelt words of kindness and gratitude for the friendship journey we once shared together, brought a tear to my eye.

I honestly never expected to hear from him again. The last words he spoke to me hurt me to such a degree that pretending that he no longer existed, was the only way I knew of to avoid feeling emotional discomfort and pain.

This morning I am grateful that he reached out to break the silence, as it made me aware that emotional pain never leaves the body if past thoughts of hurt still remain there.

Trying to pretend something no longer exists, practicing avoidance, doesn’t make the pain disappear, it just hides within you somewhere.

Today I experienced that forgiveness is the only thing that removes the stubborn ‘pain’ stains from past, and to do this, all it takes is a simple choice that you make. You choose to let go of the past and simply forgive in the present moment.

I wanted to share my experience of forgiveness today, in the hope that if you are reading this and have unresolved conflict with someone, reach out, say sorry, send love.

Our true nature is not to feel anger or hurt, our true nature is to feel love and kindness. Our true nature is Love.

Focusing on TODAY is what makes you most HAPPY!

happyWhy is it that we always tend to focus on what we don’t have, so much so, it can make us feel like shit?!

Just when I was mentally listing all the things that were missing from my life, a good friend overseas sent me an email. She too was upset that her life wasn’t going to plan, and had increased her consumption of red wine, in order to escape feeling unease.

We’ve been good friends since the age of 16, and we both thought that by 35 ( our age now ) we would be married, we’d have successful careers, own property and be a few years away from popping out kids.

But the reality is we are both still single, both uncertain about our current careers, have yet to invest in a mortgage and now have the pressure that our biological clocks have a good 4-6 years left, if best.

I instantly felt compassion for her, I could feel her pain. To help her not feel alone in her suffering, I shared with her my current ‘life is not going how I want it to go’ list.

  • Work ( I’ll be unemployed in a week- again – and no one wants to hire me?!  )
  • Home ( My flatmate moves out in 2 weeks and I can’t seem to find anyone right to move in?! )
  • Career ( What the hell am I good at, what is my life’s purpose?!  )
  • Dating ( Total lack of action happening in this area, why have i yet to meet someone?! )
  • Money ( More money is going out than in, and I don’t know when my next pay cheque will be?! )

After giving her pretty juicy detailed paragraphs on each topic, I then realised that actually, all the things I was complaining about, were things that will soon change, whether I like it or not.

Rather than accept the current circumstances as being exactly as they should be, the mind seems to find more comfort in making life out to be a MASSIVE struggle!! As humans we like to complain about what we don’t have, we like to play the victim, ‘oh you think your life is bad, listen to mine’ sort of thing.

When writing down my list of complaints, I could clearly see all the negative thoughts and beliefs that were getting in my own way. It was clear that within every ‘so called’ struggle I actually had the power within my own mind to see it in a different way. I could either feel stressed and depressed, or I could feel chilled out and content.

  • Work ( I’ll get work- I always do – and while I’m unemployed, I’ll catch up on my course work that’s due!)
  • Home ( I’ll find an awesome flatmate- I always do! )
  • Career ( Just be patient, follow charm, the right work will reveal itself! )
  • Dating ( It will happen when I least expect it- it always does!)
  • Money ( I have more than enough, I’ll be fine, it’s all good! )

Within a few minutes my mind went from negative nancy to positive… pauline?

We carry so much fear around the future, yet it’s not the future that’s the problem, it’s our minds wanting it to go a certain way!

FACT- Life is out of our control, every thought the mind produces you can never predict, if you could, tell me what you are about to think in the next minute? It’s impossible. Every new thought turns into a action ( if you allow it ) which then creates a new life event.

To add to that, everything external is also out of our control ( nature, health, other peoples thoughts and actions ) which means obsessing about an ideal future is pointless, as there is a good chance something completely different will take place!

Life loves to throw unexpected curve balls, ( you lose your job, your partner cheats on you, a family member get sick ) yet the best thing to do, is just try to juggle those balls in the present moment, using self love, optimism and kindness.

Self awareness gives you master skills to juggle the curve balls. Self awareness helps you love who you are, not tomorrow, but today.

How to deal with being stood up!

A photo by Matthew Wiebe. experienced a no show today, yep, I got stood up.

A woman who had agreed to come look at my flat at 4pm, didn’t turn up, ignored my phone call, and chose to not respond to my text.

Prior to that, our communication had been super friendly, we had both agreed on the time, we even exchanged smiley face emojis when messaging each other, so I honestly have no idea what went wrong?!

As I type this, I still have no evidence of why she disappeared off the face of the earth. But my mind couldn’t help thinking, seriously how rude is this woman?!? Has she become so desensitized to people, that if a situation is no longer in her best interest, she doesn’t care at all about the other person involved?

If I make a time to meet sometime, and then for whatever reason, I can no longer make it, I would text or call and apologise in advance, or at the least, respond if the person tried to call.

Treat others how you would like to be treated, common moral courtesy, I don’t feel its a hard concept to get your head and heart around!

In the past this sort of action would have really pissed me off for hours!! But this time, being able to witness my thoughts, I was able to quickly gain control of my emotions that were very eager to get all fired up!

As soon as I could see my mind trying to come up with stories of how she was a horrible person, who was deliberately choosing to be a bitch towards me, I shut the thoughts down!

Instead I gave her 20 mins, then after hearing nothing, I grabbed my bag, jumped in the car, and got on with my day.

Trusting that there is a process in place, that is greater than me, I now have ninja mind skills to easily detach from emotional attachment to wanting things to go a certain way, my way.

I’ve learnt to accept the good or bad, whatever the case may be, and just go with flow!

This woman didn’t turn up, which means, for whatever reason we weren’t supposed to meet, and you know what, it chewed up 20 mins of my day, if that, no harm done!

By becoming more aware, I no longer let negative thoughts turn in to negative emotions, instead I simply go back to enjoying the present moment, trusting that something better is on its way! 🙂

Put down the sugar… it’s going to be ok

sugarYesterday my food and lifestyle choices weren’t the best, ok lets be honest, they were the worst they have been this year!

I could have easily avoided consuming way too much food and sugar, but due to feeling incredibly tired, run down, bored and frustrated, I went with Plan B!

My Ego loves Plan B, it means it can eat whatever it wants ( usually highly processed food ), skip yoga, not exercise, avoid study, be super lazy and watch TV.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I knew something wasn’t right, my mood was flat, I felt like I had burnt the candle at both ends.

And it makes sense, looking at my calendar, for the last 6 nights, I’d been out every night socialising with different friends.

I had pushed myself both physically and mentally, eating rich food, consuming alcohol, not getting enough sleep, starting a new job and leaving no free time to be on my own to recharge, it was inevitable that my mood would suffer as a consequence!

Looking back on it, now in a positive head space, yesterday I deliberately ignored all the warning signs that lead me to revert back to old ways of destructive thinking and behaving.

Rather than meditate that morning to gain wisdom on how to be loving towards myself, I slept in.

Rather than cycle to work which would have given me a big fat injection of serotonin ( happy chemicals ) to improve my mood, I drove my car.

Rather than make a healthy lunch knowing that when I am tired I always crave sugar, so best to be prepared, I ended up buying processed food.

Rather than go to yoga knowing that it always helps me feel more grounded and balanced, I sat on the couch and watched TV.

Sometimes we have these ‘not so good’ days, and you know what, it’s ok, we’re not perfect! Having an awareness of the choices and actions you make is what stops the destructive behaviour in the future and allows positive change to take place.

Before being self aware, I would unconsciously self sabotage my health and wellbeing for days!

I would continue to act out in ways that weren’t loving towards my body and mind, constantly craving things externally for happiness, rather than loving who I was.

I simply just needed to stop, breathe and tune in, allowing my body to rest, allowing my mind to safely process whatever was going on!

Most of the time we know exactly what is good for us, yet sometimes we have days where we choose to go with Plan B instead. For me, I know that when I take on too much, my internal battery loses power very quickly, and its super important that I don’t ignore the flashing red light!

When my mind tells me to make good choices for my body, I need to listen and act accordingly, not ignore it, which is what I did today.

By choosing to do what is best, meditate, cycle to work, eat healthy, have time to myself, take a long hot bath, I’m choosing to love who i am.

When you choose to love who you are, you choose to love life! And when you choose to love life, the sugar cravings fade. x