If he doesn’t want a relationship…next please!

heart-1I’ve experienced this moment so many times before, I thought I was an expert at reading the signs, but this time it was different, we were really happy, he was pulling me closer rather than pushing me away.

Honestly, I was shocked when over the weekend when things were going really well, the guy I was opening up my heart to, proceeded to then tell me… ‘Look, I’m just not ready to be in a relationship, so I feel it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.’ What!? Are you serious!? Really? Wow!

As I now take time to process it all ( during the no contact phase ), my mind wants to relive all the moments where he made me believe he was ready for a relationship.

Where he talked about the future with me involved, where he told me he wanted to spend every day with me, where we effortlessly shared our lives together whether it was face to face, text or on the phone.

The moments where he invited me to meet his friends and family, where he told me he wanted to take care of me, where he wrote and played me a song on his guitar and then commented that he would play it at our wedding one day!? ( I’m sorry, but don’t say that to someone if you are not wanting to be in a relationship with them!? )

But most of all my mind wants to relive all the moments where he smiled at me when looking in my eyes, where he held me in his arms and gently kissed me. Where he told me I was beautiful, told me how happy I made him feel, that I made him smile and laugh.

That being with me was easy and enjoyable and he didn’t expect to feel this way for someone so soon.

So… the million dollar question every girls asks when she gets blindsided by a guy who acts like he is a relationship with you, and then calls it quits and walks out your door.

What the hell happened, what went wrong?

In the past I would blame myself, telling myself I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that, or the worst one of all … he broke it off with me because I wasn’t good looking enough ( a reoccurring belief I have that loves to come to the surface every time a relationship fails )

Well, this is where the story changes.

This time around, I chose to not blame myself, but instead trust that the reason why this happened is because the Universe was doing me a big fat favour!

I am ready to be in a loving relationship, and if the guy I am seeing isn’t on the same page, then of course it makes sense that we don’t spend anymore time together.

Yes it feels really shitty because there were so many good things that were working well, but if he is not ready for love, then I’m actually thankful he chose to end our time together after 2 months in!

So my advice to anyone that is reading this, and is experiencing a blindsided break up, be grateful that your heart is now free to be attracted to the right guy who is ready for love.

It doesn’t matter how many boxes your current man ticks, if he doesn’t tick the box that’s emotionally available and ready to love you, then the other boxes don’t count for much!

I love these points I came across a few days ago that Marianne Williamson shared on love…

  • Love is real, nothing else exists
  • Love is all that matters
  • Forgiveness is the key to happiness
  • Love is who you are, if your withholding love, you can’t be happy.

So don’t settle for someone who is not ready, trust your gut, trust your intuition ( both of mine told me to walk away a number of times ).

Own your own part in the relationship ending, learn the lesson, feel the pain, what does it reveal to you, what is it calling you to understand? Make amends, make changes, forgive and spend time alone to do the work on yourself.

Do things that make you happy and nurture the love within you, for me that’s been a lot of yoga, meditation, journal writing, spending time with good friends, walks in nature, red wine ( in moderation ), eating well and listening to my favourite music.

Our true nature, who we are, is to love wholeheartedly and fearlessly without any fear or doubt.

Don’t be afraid to want it, to ask for it, to feel it! If it’s not happening now in your current relationship, let go, walk away, open up your heart to the unknown, it will be worth the wait. x

Want to feel good? Change your story!

lifestyle-101-of-104Every event that unfolds in the present moment, is an experience to teach us something. To help us love who we are, to expand consciously and enjoy life!

Who I was in the past, what I experienced, what I believed, is not who I am today, I know this, yet lately I’ve been noticing that my subconscious loves digging up my sad stories from the past and effortlessly voicing them in the present, which when dating, can make me seem like a bit of a head case!

It’s no surprise really that my latest date has unfortunately gone quiet and pulled away, but in a way, I’m grateful because the space has got me thinking…why am I bringing up my sad stories and limiting beliefs from the past when we are together, I don’t do this when I’m single?

Why I am self sabotaging my dating experience!?!

Could it be, by repeating the sad stories and limiting beliefs in every relationship, I now bring up the crap unconsciously? Rather than let them go, I’ve held on to them. I blame the guy when it doesn’t work out, which means when i’m single, my toxic beliefs just go into hibernation, which explains why as soon as I start dating again, they resurface.

Well today i decided that enough was enough, it was time to a ‘limiting belief and sad stories from the past’ detox!

So I jumped in the car, drove out to the mountains, and while walking in nature ( I believe mother nature is very powerful when it comes to nurturing healing ), I allowed every sad story, limiting thought, belief and past experience to surface in my mind.

And in the forest, with no one around but my thoughts, I realised that when it comes to love, I had been holding myself back, I had been my worse enemy. 😦

As I witnessed my thoughts, I also witnessed the sick feeling in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the tears that wanted to fall down my cheek ( pain and discomfort I’ve chosen to ignore in the past ). I didn’t hold back, I allowed it to all to unfold. I fearlessly allowed myself to feel all of it. I cried, I laughed, I yelled and most importantly I loved.

I reminded myself that who I was in the past, is not who I am in the present. In the present I am whole, I am strong, I am wise, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am fun, I am compassionate, I am fearless, I am love.

With every thought and feeling that surfaced, I focused on my heart space, I imagined the lightness within me expanding, going out to everyone and everything ( including the latest date who’s disappeared ) I told myself that I am not my sad stories and my limiting thoughts and beliefs.

I told myself… I AM LOVE.

When I choose to feel love, when I remind myself that love is who I am, all the limiting beliefs and sad stories from the past ( and the future ) dissolve away and I create a new story that’s awesome! A story that is filled with optimism, excitement, joy and love.

A feel good story, that I choose to believe 🙂

How to date…honestly

A photo by Alejandro Escamilla. unsplash.com/photos/BbQLHCpVUqAWhen it comes to dating, there are so many articles out there with rules around how you should behave, especially in the early stages of dating ( I know I’ve read the books and Googled it ).

For women, we are told to refrain from making contact, that it’s better if you allow the man to chase you. We are told to pretty much remain quiet at the start, let him make the decisions, be available, but not too available.

In other words get on with your life and when you do hear from him, refrain from being needy, instead be sweet, fun and easy breezy.

Now there is an element of this that I do agree with, you do seem to get a stronger indication if a guy is interested if you let him take lead, but there is also an element of this I find challenging, as it requires me to hold back from being authentic, from being 100% real.

Having to question what I want to say and behave so that I don’t scare a guy off is me having to filter who I am, in order to make someone else happy.

Today, my new experience was that rather than filter myself, I decided to break the dating rules and openly share with the man I am seeing, what I wanted and needed when it comes to communication.

What I’ve realised is that when you start dating someone, you are not just dating another person, you are dating another mind with different thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. And there is a good chance, the way you think is going to be different, especially between a man and a woman. ( Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus by John Gray- a must read when it comes to this topic! )

From my personal experience, in order for a relationship to work, it is vital that both people involve are allowed to speak truthfully about anything and everything they choose to express in order for the relationship to grow authentically.

When it comes to dating, my advice is don’t be afraid to be real, love who you are, and if the two of you are meant to be together, each present moment will create the space for you to happily continue seeing each other 🙂