Want to feel good? Change your story!

lifestyle-101-of-104Every event that unfolds in the present moment, is an experience to teach us something. To help us love who we are, to expand consciously and enjoy life!

Who I was in the past, what I experienced, what I believed, is not who I am today, I know this, yet lately I’ve been noticing that my subconscious loves digging up my sad stories from the past and effortlessly voicing them in the present, which when dating, can make me seem like a bit of a head case!

It’s no surprise really that my latest date has unfortunately gone quiet and pulled away, but in a way, I’m grateful because the space has got me thinking…why am I bringing up my sad stories and limiting beliefs from the past when we are together, I don’t do this when I’m single?

Why I am self sabotaging my dating experience!?!

Could it be, by repeating the sad stories and limiting beliefs in every relationship, I now bring up the crap unconsciously? Rather than let them go, I’ve held on to them. I blame the guy when it doesn’t work out, which means when i’m single, my toxic beliefs just go into hibernation, which explains why as soon as I start dating again, they resurface.

Well today i decided that enough was enough, it was time to a ‘limiting belief and sad stories from the past’ detox!

So I jumped in the car, drove out to the mountains, and while walking in nature ( I believe mother nature is very powerful when it comes to nurturing healing ), I allowed every sad story, limiting thought, belief and past experience to surface in my mind.

And in the forest, with no one around but my thoughts, I realised that when it comes to love, I had been holding myself back, I had been my worse enemy. 😦

As I witnessed my thoughts, I also witnessed the sick feeling in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the tears that wanted to fall down my cheek ( pain and discomfort I’ve chosen to ignore in the past ). I didn’t hold back, I allowed it to all to unfold. I fearlessly allowed myself to feel all of it. I cried, I laughed, I yelled and most importantly I loved.

I reminded myself that who I was in the past, is not who I am in the present. In the present I am whole, I am strong, I am wise, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am fun, I am compassionate, I am fearless, I am love.

With every thought and feeling that surfaced, I focused on my heart space, I imagined the lightness within me expanding, going out to everyone and everything ( including the latest date who’s disappeared ) I told myself that I am not my sad stories and my limiting thoughts and beliefs.

I told myself… I AM LOVE.

When I choose to feel love, when I remind myself that love is who I am, all the limiting beliefs and sad stories from the past ( and the future ) dissolve away and I create a new story that’s awesome! A story that is filled with optimism, excitement, joy and love.

A feel good story, that I choose to believe 🙂

Know your limiting beliefs

winner.jpgThe story you have about who you think you are, the story you continue to tell yourself, is the only thing stopping you from achieving your dreams.

Today I experienced a talk by James Colquhoun, founder of Food Matters, where he talked about the importance of knowing your limiting beliefs so that you can change the story you tell yourself, changing the way you live.

Hearing this got me thinking about the limiting beliefs and stories I tell myself that continue to hold me back. The belief that my body isn’t good enough for a loving relationship, that I’m not smart enough to start my own business and be successful, that I’m not wise enough teach mindfulness and meditation.

Every limiting belief, limiting the potential that’s within me.

So what can you do to bring about change? Well firstly, it all starts with self awareness, being mindful.

  • Become a witness to the story playing out in your head
  • Do a reality check when it comes to the limiting beliefs you tell yourself, do an inventory, ask a friend, write them down, only then will you understand what is holding you back
  • Get out of your own way, you’re the only one that is going to stop your own success
  • Play with fear, use it as a way to expand your consciousness, your effectiveness on the planet
  • Don’t let money define who you are, don’t get addicted to cash, instead get addicted to your purpose
  • Approach life with an unstoppable enthusiasm, bring optimism to everything you do, know that its going to be difficult, and be ok with that
  • There is always a greater purpose, you are just unable to see it yet, so be patient when things don’t go your way, approach challenges with a smile on your face, knowing that everything is always unfolding perfectly

We all have the potential within our minds to live the lives we want to live. Being more self aware, knowing your limiting beliefs and changing the story you tell yourself, has the power to change everything… the sky is the limit! 🙂

 

Believing I am lovable!

loveI’ve been hurt many times in the past when it comes to dating, I’ve been lied to, manipulated, cheated on, or as soon as I feel trusting enough to drop my guard and open up, it’s not reciprocated and I feel like a fool who expressed love to a brick wall.

So in each new experience of meeting someone new that I like, there is a fine line of me of wanting to remain guarded to feel protected, but also knowing that in order for someone to warm to me, I have to be vulnerable and open up, trusting that this time it will be different.

In the past, I would put so much weight on how the person I was seeing would react to me, how they would respond and behave, especially when I shared something deep and meaningful.

I would re-read text messages and emails trying to over analyse every word that was said. I would mentally grade every response, trying to figure out if we were on the same page when it came to our feelings.

As I found myself recently slipping back in to this old way of thinking and behaving, I quickly realised what I was doing wrong. Rather than feeling good and enjoying the experience, I was questioning if I was lovable.

I wanted to share this honest post because I feel its so important to be reminded of this. When it comes to relationships, why do we often question if we are lovable? I feel it’s because we forget who we are.

Who we are, when we remove all our limiting thoughts, beliefs and past experiences, is a pure conscious being filled with love.

If we understand this, if we take a moment to be mindful, close our eyes, breathe, become a witness to our true essence, we can create a beautiful loving space where we can feel it, where we can be reminded.

In our mind we create our reality. We can either choose to think we aren’t loveable, and that we need someone else to make this decision for us, or we can choose to simply believe that we are!

When I choose to believe that I am lovable, because my true nature is love, I have nothing to fear when it comes to dating, instead I feel bloody good about myself!

They say love attracts love, which is why its so important when dating to not doubt your lovability, to not wait to be told, but just believe wholeheartedly that you are… because you are! 🙂

Rejoice in the present!

lifestyle-14-of-104My beautiful yoga teacher shared this idea today during class. To rejoice in the present moment, not just be aware of being present, but fully embrace it, get excited about it!

I loved hearing this, what a beautiful, yet simple notion.

So often we are consumed with thoughts on fixing ourselves, thoughts on how we could improve our lives, needing or desiring something in the future to make us feel better, rather than just being happy with what we have right now, in the present moment.

In this present moment I rejoice in my heart beating, feeling connected to the universal source of energy that is life!

Simply feeling alive, being a witness to it all unfold, I let go of the worry, I enjoy the moment.

I feel happy, I feel excited, I feel joy, I feel love! 🙂

Removing struggle by simply being present

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lifestyle-59-of-104Emotionally I’ve been struggling today with the heavy weight of uncertainty around work, relationships, money and my career.

Throughout the day I’ve been aware of my thoughts that have been weighing me down.

Frustration that I’ve yet to find work and the ongoing draining process in applying. Regret around leaving my last job that I was bored with, that now seems ideal.

Worry regarding lack of communication in a new relationship. Concern around money and the possibility of needing to borrow and self doubt around my ability to pursue my dreams.

When my mind gets all worked up with worry ( consumed with past thoughts or future predictions that aren’t actually helpful ) thankfully through practicing mindfulness, I know that in order to feel better, I just need to pull myself back to the present moment.

I need to stop, breathe and just be.

Through being present, I was able to bring some much needed calm back to my mind and body.

I was able to create space, to allow the nurturing part of my spirit to give guidance, which informed me to grab a pen, notebook and just write.

As I wrote whatever came to mind, I began to notice a particular pattern in regards to my thoughts. Most of the things I was worrying or frustrated about was simply a thought that had an attachment to a particular outcome taking place.

When I realised that all I needed to do was let go of mental attachment, that’s when the emotional shift started to take place.

I gained clarity around the notion that whatever happened in the past, is in the past, which means it’s no good to me now. And whatever is about to happen in the future, I can’t predict, so there is no point in having an attachment to the outcome.

What I can do though is focus on the now, the present, the only thing that is ever real.

And when I take a moment to just be, breathe, let go of negative thoughts and tune in to my body, I notice feelings of peace, trust, support, hope and love… giving me all that I need. 🙂

Top tips for Mindful Dating

mindful-datingI used to find dating an incredibly anxious and stressful experience, because I would hand over my self worth to a man I’d just met, rather than value and love who I am!

During my dates rather than enjoying myself, my mind would be obsessing over the outfit I’d chosen, worrying about whether he finds me attractive and if he even liked what I was saying.

My mind would also try and figure out if my date was ticking enough boxes, could I see us together in 5 years, is there any chemistry, what if he tries to make a move and I’m not interested, what if I am interested and he rejects me… etc etc.

The reason I am saying all of this is because lately I’ve started dating again ( thank you Tinder ) and due to now being more self aware, living more mindfully, I’ve been experiencing dating in a completely new way.

Walking in to every date without any expectation of the future, focusing on just being present, loving who I am, being myself, having fun, has been a very positive experience, not just for me but also my date.

If you want to remove stress, anxiety, worry and concern from your dating experience, here are a few mindful dating tips to remember

  • Love who you are! Before you leave the house stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful, wise, kind, fabulous, sexy, funny and extremely loveable! Remind yourself that you are not going on the date to get the guy’s approval, you already know that you are awesome, you are going on the date to get to know someone new and have fun!
  • Be mindful of your thoughts and don’t believe anything that pops up that is negative or unhelpful, remind yourself that your true essence is love!
  • Be yourself, be authentic, value your uniqueness, it’s what makes you one of a kind!
  • Ask lots of questions and listen, engage with the other person, learn something new from what they are sharing, you’re there to get to know your date, the more questions the better!
  • Smile, not only is smiling addictive, but it will release endorphins which will make you feel even more happy!

And most importantly…

Have fun!!

Dating should be enjoyable, so whenever you notice your mind wandering, getting caught up in the future, take a deep breathe and come back to the present. Where life truely unfolds 🙂

How to avoid panic when getting lost

bush.jpegI went for a bush walk today, on my own, with no one around, and I got lost!

When I realised after a few of hours of walking, that I wasn’t back at the start ( where I should have been ), my stomach did a triple back flip and my heart started racing!

Thank god for GPS on my mobile phone, quickly I was able to see that I was only about a 20 min walk from where I started, which did help calm the flight or fight survival default mode in my brain.

I actually had thought that there was a chance I would never be found, and then I would starve or die of thirst because I hadn’t carried any food or water with me. How ridiculous is that?!

Through being more self aware, I now know that my mind loves to jump to highly stressful, worse case situations, whenever life throws me a spanner.

But the great news is, the more times I am able to take a moment to stop, breathe, and just witness my thoughts when feeling worried, the easier it is for me to quickly avoid panic and feel A OK!