If he doesn’t want a relationship…next please!

heart-1I’ve experienced this moment so many times before, I thought I was an expert at reading the signs, but this time it was different, we were really happy, he was pulling me closer rather than pushing me away.

Honestly, I was shocked when over the weekend when things were going really well, the guy I was opening up my heart to, proceeded to then tell me… ‘Look, I’m just not ready to be in a relationship, so I feel it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.’ What!? Are you serious!? Really? Wow!

As I now take time to process it all ( during the no contact phase ), my mind wants to relive all the moments where he made me believe he was ready for a relationship.

Where he talked about the future with me involved, where he told me he wanted to spend every day with me, where we effortlessly shared our lives together whether it was face to face, text or on the phone.

The moments where he invited me to meet his friends and family, where he told me he wanted to take care of me, where he wrote and played me a song on his guitar and then commented that he would play it at our wedding one day!? ( I’m sorry, but don’t say that to someone if you are not wanting to be in a relationship with them!? )

But most of all my mind wants to relive all the moments where he smiled at me when looking in my eyes, where he held me in his arms and gently kissed me. Where he told me I was beautiful, told me how happy I made him feel, that I made him smile and laugh.

That being with me was easy and enjoyable and he didn’t expect to feel this way for someone so soon.

So… the million dollar question every girls asks when she gets blindsided by a guy who acts like he is a relationship with you, and then calls it quits and walks out your door.

What the hell happened, what went wrong?

In the past I would blame myself, telling myself I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that, or the worst one of all … he broke it off with me because I wasn’t good looking enough ( a reoccurring belief I have that loves to come to the surface every time a relationship fails )

Well, this is where the story changes.

This time around, I chose to not blame myself, but instead trust that the reason why this happened is because the Universe was doing me a big fat favour!

I am ready to be in a loving relationship, and if the guy I am seeing isn’t on the same page, then of course it makes sense that we don’t spend anymore time together.

Yes it feels really shitty because there were so many good things that were working well, but if he is not ready for love, then I’m actually thankful he chose to end our time together after 2 months in!

So my advice to anyone that is reading this, and is experiencing a blindsided break up, be grateful that your heart is now free to be attracted to the right guy who is ready for love.

It doesn’t matter how many boxes your current man ticks, if he doesn’t tick the box that’s emotionally available and ready to love you, then the other boxes don’t count for much!

I love these points I came across a few days ago that Marianne Williamson shared on love…

  • Love is real, nothing else exists
  • Love is all that matters
  • Forgiveness is the key to happiness
  • Love is who you are, if your withholding love, you can’t be happy.

So don’t settle for someone who is not ready, trust your gut, trust your intuition ( both of mine told me to walk away a number of times ).

Own your own part in the relationship ending, learn the lesson, feel the pain, what does it reveal to you, what is it calling you to understand? Make amends, make changes, forgive and spend time alone to do the work on yourself.

Do things that make you happy and nurture the love within you, for me that’s been a lot of yoga, meditation, journal writing, spending time with good friends, walks in nature, red wine ( in moderation ), eating well and listening to my favourite music.

Our true nature, who we are, is to love wholeheartedly and fearlessly without any fear or doubt.

Don’t be afraid to want it, to ask for it, to feel it! If it’s not happening now in your current relationship, let go, walk away, open up your heart to the unknown, it will be worth the wait. x

Want to feel good? Change your story!

lifestyle-101-of-104Every event that unfolds in the present moment, is an experience to teach us something. To help us love who we are, to expand consciously and enjoy life!

Who I was in the past, what I experienced, what I believed, is not who I am today, I know this, yet lately I’ve been noticing that my subconscious loves digging up my sad stories from the past and effortlessly voicing them in the present, which when dating, can make me seem like a bit of a head case!

It’s no surprise really that my latest date has unfortunately gone quiet and pulled away, but in a way, I’m grateful because the space has got me thinking…why am I bringing up my sad stories and limiting beliefs from the past when we are together, I don’t do this when I’m single?

Why I am self sabotaging my dating experience!?!

Could it be, by repeating the sad stories and limiting beliefs in every relationship, I now bring up the crap unconsciously? Rather than let them go, I’ve held on to them. I blame the guy when it doesn’t work out, which means when i’m single, my toxic beliefs just go into hibernation, which explains why as soon as I start dating again, they resurface.

Well today i decided that enough was enough, it was time to a ‘limiting belief and sad stories from the past’ detox!

So I jumped in the car, drove out to the mountains, and while walking in nature ( I believe mother nature is very powerful when it comes to nurturing healing ), I allowed every sad story, limiting thought, belief and past experience to surface in my mind.

And in the forest, with no one around but my thoughts, I realised that when it comes to love, I had been holding myself back, I had been my worse enemy. 😦

As I witnessed my thoughts, I also witnessed the sick feeling in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, the tears that wanted to fall down my cheek ( pain and discomfort I’ve chosen to ignore in the past ). I didn’t hold back, I allowed it to all to unfold. I fearlessly allowed myself to feel all of it. I cried, I laughed, I yelled and most importantly I loved.

I reminded myself that who I was in the past, is not who I am in the present. In the present I am whole, I am strong, I am wise, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am fun, I am compassionate, I am fearless, I am love.

With every thought and feeling that surfaced, I focused on my heart space, I imagined the lightness within me expanding, going out to everyone and everything ( including the latest date who’s disappeared ) I told myself that I am not my sad stories and my limiting thoughts and beliefs.

I told myself… I AM LOVE.

When I choose to feel love, when I remind myself that love is who I am, all the limiting beliefs and sad stories from the past ( and the future ) dissolve away and I create a new story that’s awesome! A story that is filled with optimism, excitement, joy and love.

A feel good story, that I choose to believe 🙂

Know your limiting beliefs

winner.jpgThe story you have about who you think you are, the story you continue to tell yourself, is the only thing stopping you from achieving your dreams.

Today I experienced a talk by James Colquhoun, founder of Food Matters, where he talked about the importance of knowing your limiting beliefs so that you can change the story you tell yourself, changing the way you live.

Hearing this got me thinking about the limiting beliefs and stories I tell myself that continue to hold me back. The belief that my body isn’t good enough for a loving relationship, that I’m not smart enough to start my own business and be successful, that I’m not wise enough teach mindfulness and meditation.

Every limiting belief, limiting the potential that’s within me.

So what can you do to bring about change? Well firstly, it all starts with self awareness, being mindful.

  • Become a witness to the story playing out in your head
  • Do a reality check when it comes to the limiting beliefs you tell yourself, do an inventory, ask a friend, write them down, only then will you understand what is holding you back
  • Get out of your own way, you’re the only one that is going to stop your own success
  • Play with fear, use it as a way to expand your consciousness, your effectiveness on the planet
  • Don’t let money define who you are, don’t get addicted to cash, instead get addicted to your purpose
  • Approach life with an unstoppable enthusiasm, bring optimism to everything you do, know that its going to be difficult, and be ok with that
  • There is always a greater purpose, you are just unable to see it yet, so be patient when things don’t go your way, approach challenges with a smile on your face, knowing that everything is always unfolding perfectly

We all have the potential within our minds to live the lives we want to live. Being more self aware, knowing your limiting beliefs and changing the story you tell yourself, has the power to change everything… the sky is the limit! 🙂


How to avoid panic when getting lost

bush.jpegI went for a bush walk today, on my own, with no one around, and I got lost!

When I realised after a few of hours of walking, that I wasn’t back at the start ( where I should have been ), my stomach did a triple back flip and my heart started racing!

Thank god for GPS on my mobile phone, quickly I was able to see that I was only about a 20 min walk from where I started, which did help calm the flight or fight survival default mode in my brain.

I actually had thought that there was a chance I would never be found, and then I would starve or die of thirst because I hadn’t carried any food or water with me. How ridiculous is that?!

Through being more self aware, I now know that my mind loves to jump to highly stressful, worse case situations, whenever life throws me a spanner.

But the great news is, the more times I am able to take a moment to stop, breathe, and just witness my thoughts when feeling worried, the easier it is for me to quickly avoid panic and feel A OK!

How to stay calm when life doesn’t go your way

lifestyle-96-of-104-copyI had a moment of panic this morning, which never feels nice!

In the past when a flatmate moves out, it’s normally at least a week before a new person moves in, not a few hours, which is what I experienced today.

The plan was that by 11am the first flatmate would have moved out so that by 11.30am the new flatmate could move in ( tight i know ). In theory it was a great idea, but at 10.45am when the first flatmate hadn’t shown up to move any of her stuff, I started to have a mild panic attack, i felt a bit stressed!

As soon as I started to become aware that I was feeling anxious about the situation, I toke a moment to observe the thoughts racing around in my head.

Being aware that my mind was getting in to a panic about all the possible worst case scenarios, I took a deep breathe, and calmly asked myself, ok, what can I do in this very moment, that will help me best?

I picked up my phone, sent a text to the first flatmate to get an update on her time frame ( which was 30 mins away ), then sent a text to the second flatmate who advises me she is now running late and is 2 hours away, phew!!

So after all of that worry, there was no drama in the end, it all worked out without me having to do much, other than simply be cool, calm and communicate.

Such a good reminder that life doesn’t always do what you want it to do, this happens to me frequently, so there is no need to stress.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… don’t worry, be happy, it all works out in the end. 🙂

How to avoid an anxiety attack when updating your profile pic!


Do you ever experience mild symptoms of a panic attack when updating your profile picture on Facebook?

After you hit send, your heart starts beating faster, palms slightly sweaty, mind racing with preconceived ideas of how it will be judged now that it’s out there for all to see?

I noticed this today when uploading a new photo, and I was really taken back by how one simple task could have such a massive impact on my emotions and sensations in the body.

And the reason it did wasn’t because of the task itself, selecting a photo and hitting the send button is not physically demanding, it’s the thought process behind it, that’s what always causes all the drama!

As soon as I hit send, unconsciously my body started reacting to my thoughts as they were mainly based around worry and fear.

What will my friends think, will they like it or hate it?

Am I not smiling enough, should I pick a different photo even though I like this one?

Is wearing black a depressing colour, should I upload a photo of me wearing a lighter top instead?

And off my thoughts go, rather than just enjoying the present moment, feeling calm and happy, my thoughts want to create all this stress and drama… that’s if I allow them to, this is the big difference!

Emotions you feel in the body are always an after effect of a thought that takes place in your mind. For example if you think happy thoughts, you feel good. If you think negative thoughts, you feel bad. Simple psychology 101.

Having an awareness of your thoughts is what then helps you manage how you feel. Simply put, if you don’t get caught up in your thoughts, you won’t get caught up in your emotions.

As soon as I noticed my body reacting in a way that didn’t feel comfortable at all, I took a moment to become aware of my thoughts.

As I noticed my mind getting caught up with negative self talk, I took a deep breath, allowed my body to relax and then smiled.

Smiling is my new favourite thing to do whenever I notice that I’m reacting to my negative mind. What it does is magic, it tricks the mind in to thinking you are happy, which then helps the thought process to change.

As soon as I make myself smile, I then want to laugh. When I laugh at myself I realise how ridiculous my mind can get, especially when doing the simplest of tasks, like uploading a photo on Facebook.

When I smile, it brings me back to a feeling of love. Love for who I am.

My mind then thinks positive thoughts, ‘You look beautiful Camille’, ‘You are doing so well with everything at the moment, you should feel proud of yourself’, ‘Your friends will love you regardless of your FB photo, because that’s what friends do’.

When my thoughts become kind, my body feels relaxed and at ease.

If you ever find your mind and heart racing due to anxiety and fear, try to smile.

It’s a simple, yet powerful tool to bring you back to a feeling of love. 🙂

To love life, the mind must first love!

A photo by Mayur Gala. unsplash.com/photos/2PODhmrvLikBefore I achieved anything in my life, my mind was always consumed with fear, not love, anxiety filled fear!

I honestly believed I would never get a boyfriend and fall in love because I wasn’t attractive enough.

I couldn’t be a radio announcer because I wasn’t funny enough.

I couldn’t get a well paid job without a University degree because I wasn’t smart enough.

I couldn’t travel, work and live overseas on my own for 2 years because I wasn’t brave enough.

I couldn’t be grateful every day for an entire year and blog about it because I wasn’t positive enough.

I couldn’t quit alcohol for an entire year and blog about it because I wasn’t confident enough.

I couldn’t teach English at schools in Thailand because I wasn’t open minded enough and only recently,

I couldn’t teach meditation classes to adults and children because I wasn’t calm enough.

Every awesome thought I’ve had, has always been followed by fear, yet when I loved and believed in myself, I was able to find the inner strength to push through the fear which helped me achieve everything listed above.

Sadly though, this has not always been the case, there have been thousands of brilliant ideas and opportunities which I have lost, simply because I felt I wasn’t good enough. How sad. 

In just over a month, I will be living in an ashram in the south of India, completing 30days of intensive yoga teacher training, and of course my mind is consumed with fear around this! It continues to tell me that I am crazy, that I am wasting my time and money, that I will never be able to teach yoga, because, wait for it… I am not thin enough!

Ok, so I am not your typical Lululemon wearing, super flexi, toned yogi, instead I would class myself as a healthy Australian size 10-12, with Dcup boobs ( that sometimes get in the way ), who has still yet to master many yoga positions including a head stand.

But I think this is why I felt the strong desire to sign up for the yoga teaching training, so I can work on overcoming my body image fears that stop me achieving so many things.

I want to complete this course to prove to myself that I am capable of being a great yoga teacher because I love yoga, and having a love for yoga, regardless of you body size, is enough to succeed!

I haven’t written on Todayiloved for a while, but during meditation today, when I asked my inner voice for guidance on overcoming fear, I was told to start writing again.

To be honest about my own experiences of living with fear and anxiety, and how by meditating and focusing inwards helps me access the good stuff!

The good thoughts that come from the sea of infinite knowledge, which some call God, the Universe, Spirit, whatever you like to call it, I simply like to call it awareness, which to me is just another term for love.

I am not going to lie, I am far from perfect when it comes to love, which is why I want to write about it.

Every day I have negative thoughts about myself and others, which is something I am willing to change, you could say this is the ultimate Today i loved challenge.

To sit back and become aware of my mind, a mind that runs on autopilot when reacting to my fears and desires. I have moments when I become lazy with my mind, I let it do whatever it wants, when it wants, my ego runs the show, and those are the times I always feel frustrated and disappointed when I don’t get what I want.

In 35 days time my life is going to get a little crazy, but in a good way!

I have resigned from my job ( with no idea of when the next pay cheque will come ) to head over to India where I will spend the next 2 months doing yoga and meditation in a country that I’ve been told will blow my mind and expand my state of consciousness, to say the least!

Yep, I defiantly overcame some serious fears when deciding to quit my job, go travel for a few months and then return home to the unknown.

But I did this, with the understanding that I am greater than my fears and desires, when it comes to the mind, I am separate from my thoughts, they are not really me, my true nature is love.

And when I stop trying to control every aspect of my life and just let go with an open mind, that’s when I grow, I learn new things, I create, I feel happy, I feel alive, I experience bliss!

So in saying all of this, I’m back to blog and write about what happens when you push through fear and listen to and trust love.

Hidden under all the layers of ignorance, I am pure conscious awareness, which is simply love.

Today I am setting myself the challenge of living this truth. Embracing the knowledge of who I am, I am good enough, I better than good enough!

Today I loved knowing there is nothing I need to do to fix myself, I just need to access my true nature, not fear… love.