How to stay calm when life doesn’t go your way

lifestyle-96-of-104-copyI had a moment of panic this morning, which never feels nice!

In the past when a flatmate moves out, it’s normally at least a week before a new person moves in, not a few hours, which is what I experienced today.

The plan was that by 11am the first flatmate would have moved out so that by 11.30am the new flatmate could move in ( tight i know ). In theory it was a great idea, but at 10.45am when the first flatmate hadn’t shown up to move any of her stuff, I started to have a mild panic attack, i felt a bit stressed!

As soon as I started to become aware that I was feeling anxious about the situation, I toke a moment to observe the thoughts racing around in my head.

Being aware that my mind was getting in to a panic about all the possible worst case scenarios, I took a deep breathe, and calmly asked myself, ok, what can I do in this very moment, that will help me best?

I picked up my phone, sent a text to the first flatmate to get an update on her time frame ( which was 30 mins away ), then sent a text to the second flatmate who advises me she is now running late and is 2 hours away, phew!!

So after all of that worry, there was no drama in the end, it all worked out without me having to do much, other than simply be cool, calm and communicate.

Such a good reminder that life doesn’t always do what you want it to do, this happens to me frequently, so there is no need to stress.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… don’t worry, be happy, it all works out in the end. 🙂

Why forgiveness is so powerful

kindessThis morning I woke up to a message on Facebook from a past friend who I’d experienced a very hurtful falling out with a few years ago.

Up until this day, he is the only person in my life who I had unresolved conflict with, so to receive such heartfelt words of kindness and gratitude for the friendship journey we once shared together, brought a tear to my eye.

I honestly never expected to hear from him again. The last words he spoke to me hurt me to such a degree that pretending that he no longer existed, was the only way I knew of to avoid feeling emotional discomfort and pain.

This morning I am grateful that he reached out to break the silence, as it made me aware that emotional pain never leaves the body if past thoughts of hurt still remain there.

Trying to pretend something no longer exists, practicing avoidance, doesn’t make the pain disappear, it just hides within you somewhere.

Today I experienced that forgiveness is the only thing that removes the stubborn ‘pain’ stains from past, and to do this, all it takes is a simple choice that you make. You choose to let go of the past and simply forgive in the present moment.

I wanted to share my experience of forgiveness today, in the hope that if you are reading this and have unresolved conflict with someone, reach out, say sorry, send love.

Our true nature is not to feel anger or hurt, our true nature is to feel love and kindness. Our true nature is Love.

Stroke of Insight!

When it comes to your mind are you a lefty or a righty?

Not sure? Well neither was I until I came across a brilliant TED talk by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor called ‘My Stroke of Insight’.

In the TED talk she explains how the right hemisphere of the brain connects us with the present moment, hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, touching, all energy that’s shared with the whole of the universe, infinite, expansive, perfect, beautiful.

While the left hemisphere of the brain operates using language and logic, taking the present moment sensory data, and then trying to organise it using past thoughts to forecast possible future outcomes. Creating this sense of I AM, being seperate from everyone and everything.

Having watched this TED talk for the first time, this new experience has given me insight in to how I use my own mind.

I learnt I have a choice, I can chose to spend more time using the right hemisphere. By doing so, I can tap in to the life force of the universe, feeling an abundance of love, peace and creativity!

Feeling a sense of connection to every living being.

If you have 19mins and want to learn more, please enjoy watching the full talk below. 🙂

Can having a new experience each day make you more creative?

lifestyle-19-of-104-copyLatest research is that new experiences boost creativity. They create more flexibility in the mind, which then stimulates more  of those ‘light bulb’ moments we crave!

To gain more creative insight in the mind, the scientific experts recommend doing any form of activity that allows the mind to wander freely. Activities like taking long walks, freestyle writing, listening to music, creative projects, yoga, meditation and even daydreaming ( something I did loads of when I was a kid ).

They also suggest to be more social, exercise, sit in a coffee shop, spend time outdoors and try something new! Sit outside a box ( literally ) and look for unexpected experiences!

Lately I’ve been procrastinating BIG TIME on my course work, due to a lack of ideas, and my health has been rubbish, which is why I feel a ’30 Day New Experience Challenge’ is exactly what I need to get the creative juices flowing again!

So what are the rules? For the next 30 days, I just need to experience a new experience every day.

I want to discover if stepping outside my comfort zone has any effect on my mental wellbeing?

Will good things take place, will more ideas flow, will my health improve, will I feel happier and gain more mental clarity?

Can having new experiences every day boost creativity? Watch this space in 30 days! 🙂

Focusing on TODAY is what makes you most HAPPY!

happyWhy is it that we always tend to focus on what we don’t have, so much so, it can make us feel like shit?!

Just when I was mentally listing all the things that were missing from my life, a good friend overseas sent me an email. She too was upset that her life wasn’t going to plan, and had increased her consumption of red wine, in order to escape feeling unease.

We’ve been good friends since the age of 16, and we both thought that by 35 ( our age now ) we would be married, we’d have successful careers, own property and be a few years away from popping out kids.

But the reality is we are both still single, both uncertain about our current careers, have yet to invest in a mortgage and now have the pressure that our biological clocks have a good 4-6 years left, if best.

I instantly felt compassion for her, I could feel her pain. To help her not feel alone in her suffering, I shared with her my current ‘life is not going how I want it to go’ list.

  • Work ( I’ll be unemployed in a week- again – and no one wants to hire me?!  )
  • Home ( My flatmate moves out in 2 weeks and I can’t seem to find anyone right to move in?! )
  • Career ( What the hell am I good at, what is my life’s purpose?!  )
  • Dating ( Total lack of action happening in this area, why have i yet to meet someone?! )
  • Money ( More money is going out than in, and I don’t know when my next pay cheque will be?! )

After giving her pretty juicy detailed paragraphs on each topic, I then realised that actually, all the things I was complaining about, were things that will soon change, whether I like it or not.

Rather than accept the current circumstances as being exactly as they should be, the mind seems to find more comfort in making life out to be a MASSIVE struggle!! As humans we like to complain about what we don’t have, we like to play the victim, ‘oh you think your life is bad, listen to mine’ sort of thing.

When writing down my list of complaints, I could clearly see all the negative thoughts and beliefs that were getting in my own way. It was clear that within every ‘so called’ struggle I actually had the power within my own mind to see it in a different way. I could either feel stressed and depressed, or I could feel chilled out and content.

  • Work ( I’ll get work- I always do – and while I’m unemployed, I’ll catch up on my course work that’s due!)
  • Home ( I’ll find an awesome flatmate- I always do! )
  • Career ( Just be patient, follow charm, the right work will reveal itself! )
  • Dating ( It will happen when I least expect it- it always does!)
  • Money ( I have more than enough, I’ll be fine, it’s all good! )

Within a few minutes my mind went from negative nancy to positive… pauline?

We carry so much fear around the future, yet it’s not the future that’s the problem, it’s our minds wanting it to go a certain way!

FACT- Life is out of our control, every thought the mind produces you can never predict, if you could, tell me what you are about to think in the next minute? It’s impossible. Every new thought turns into a action ( if you allow it ) which then creates a new life event.

To add to that, everything external is also out of our control ( nature, health, other peoples thoughts and actions ) which means obsessing about an ideal future is pointless, as there is a good chance something completely different will take place!

Life loves to throw unexpected curve balls, ( you lose your job, your partner cheats on you, a family member get sick ) yet the best thing to do, is just try to juggle those balls in the present moment, using self love, optimism and kindness.

Self awareness gives you master skills to juggle the curve balls. Self awareness helps you love who you are, not tomorrow, but today.

What’s at the top of your priority list if the world was to end today?

lifestyle-90-of-104-copyIf the apocalypse was forecast, how would you spend your last days on earth? This thought came to my mind last night, when watching a film called The Road.

If the things we put so much value on such as money, high tech gadgets, the internet, latest fashion and trends became obsolete, what would you value instead?

For me, the first thought that came to mind was relationships, friendships, family, all the people in my life who I have a conscious connection with. Conversations that bring me joy, make me laugh, feel supported and provide inspiration and growth.

Yesterday I caught up with a friend I hadn’t seen in over a year, like me he had quit his job to go travelling overseas and then returned to the unknown, wanting to start fresh. Speaking to his yesterday, I was captivated by his happiness.

He had taken a ballsy risk to believe in himself, start his own business as an Education Consultant and in astonishment to him, it had actually paid off! Within 6 months he had a business name, brand, website, swanky business card and happy paying clients. He was living his dream!

As I walked off, I felt an immense sense of joy, so grateful that he had reached out to me and we had crossed paths again. His enthusiasm and optimism was incredibly contagious! In just an hour, over a chai latte, he inspired me to not sit back and wait for things to happen, but to just believe in my ability and go for it, fake it till you make it sort of thing!

Connection with friends, sharing stories, sharing experiences, sharing emotions, sharing who we are, is what I value most. It’s the one thing that continually brings me happiness and feeds my conscious mind to evolve in to the greatest version of who I am.

Every conversation has a conscious effect on the body and mind, whether you notice it or not, which is why it’s so important to be aware of the people you are spending your precious time with. Are the conversations positive, loving, supportive, or are they negative, toxic and discouraging? Most importantly, when you are with another being, how do you feel?

Becoming aware of my own mood when I’m around people is also very important. Being in a good head space, feeling love for who I am, being excited about life, creates a conscious flow of positive energy as soon as eye contact, words and hugs are exchanged.

Honestly, I used to prefer being on my own, but now that I’m aware that being with others is what nurtures my conscious growth most, I’ve made simple changes.

In the past few months, I’ve allowed myself to be open to new relationships, I’ve engaged more with strangers, accepted new Facebook friends requests, said yes to extra coffee catch ups, and then I’ve sat back and watched the joy within me expand!

My theory is that if the world was to end, spending time with those that lift you up, make you feel love, be love, costs nothing. It’s the greatest free gift we have as a species, conscious connection, yet so often we take it for granted and forget its priceless value in every precious moment we have.

Having now a fresh awareness of what I value most, connection, friendship, relationships, means it just got moved to the top of my priority list!

Unsure what you value most? As yourself this…

What’s at the top of my priority list if the world was to end? And… is this something I can start making time for today? The answer is Yes.

Put down the sugar… it’s going to be ok

sugarYesterday my food and lifestyle choices weren’t the best, ok lets be honest, they were the worst they have been this year!

I could have easily avoided consuming way too much food and sugar, but due to feeling incredibly tired, run down, bored and frustrated, I went with Plan B!

My Ego loves Plan B, it means it can eat whatever it wants ( usually highly processed food ), skip yoga, not exercise, avoid study, be super lazy and watch TV.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I knew something wasn’t right, my mood was flat, I felt like I had burnt the candle at both ends.

And it makes sense, looking at my calendar, for the last 6 nights, I’d been out every night socialising with different friends.

I had pushed myself both physically and mentally, eating rich food, consuming alcohol, not getting enough sleep, starting a new job and leaving no free time to be on my own to recharge, it was inevitable that my mood would suffer as a consequence!

Looking back on it, now in a positive head space, yesterday I deliberately ignored all the warning signs that lead me to revert back to old ways of destructive thinking and behaving.

Rather than meditate that morning to gain wisdom on how to be loving towards myself, I slept in.

Rather than cycle to work which would have given me a big fat injection of serotonin ( happy chemicals ) to improve my mood, I drove my car.

Rather than make a healthy lunch knowing that when I am tired I always crave sugar, so best to be prepared, I ended up buying processed food.

Rather than go to yoga knowing that it always helps me feel more grounded and balanced, I sat on the couch and watched TV.

Sometimes we have these ‘not so good’ days, and you know what, it’s ok, we’re not perfect! Having an awareness of the choices and actions you make is what stops the destructive behaviour in the future and allows positive change to take place.

Before being self aware, I would unconsciously self sabotage my health and wellbeing for days!

I would continue to act out in ways that weren’t loving towards my body and mind, constantly craving things externally for happiness, rather than loving who I was.

I simply just needed to stop, breathe and tune in, allowing my body to rest, allowing my mind to safely process whatever was going on!

Most of the time we know exactly what is good for us, yet sometimes we have days where we choose to go with Plan B instead. For me, I know that when I take on too much, my internal battery loses power very quickly, and its super important that I don’t ignore the flashing red light!

When my mind tells me to make good choices for my body, I need to listen and act accordingly, not ignore it, which is what I did today.

By choosing to do what is best, meditate, cycle to work, eat healthy, have time to myself, take a long hot bath, I’m choosing to love who i am.

When you choose to love who you are, you choose to love life! And when you choose to love life, the sugar cravings fade. x