Today I loved grew from an idea that if the world was going to end in 2012, I better make sure to make the most of it!! And that I did, every single day in 2012 ( yep 365 of them ) I took a photo and blogged about something new I loved!
I embraced life and in return it embraced me back ten fold and I honestly can say that if the world had of ended in 2012, I would have gone out with a massive smile on my face!
In 2013, I stopped blogging every day. Interesting enough, half way through the year, my loving relationship started to fall apart and I found myself drinking a lot to deal with the anxiety I felt.
After sadly calling quits on the relationship, I decided to do the same with alcohol. Todayiloved started up again and I blogged every week about being sober for an entire year, yep 52 weeks without wine touching my lips!
In 2014, after successfully completing the 1 year challenge, it wasn’t long before I started socially drinking alcohol again. I’d have months where I didn’t touch booze and then a week where I’d have a few more than I should. When it comes to drinking, even though I probably would be better off without it, I find limiting myself, having rules around it, is not good for my soul.
Allowing myself to enjoy a glass of wine with friends brings me a lot of joy, its only when I abuse it, drink too much, that it becomes a problem. Doing the sobriety challenge made me very aware of this, how to find the balance. Drinking with awareness of why you are doing it, drinking when you are happy, not to self soothe, is loving who you are!
When I started todayiloved, I had many days where I suffered from severe anxiety simply because I constantly compared myself to others and never felt good enough! I thought if I lost weight, became successful, wealthy, in a loving relationship, I would then be happy.
But even when I got what I wanted, I never felt fulfilled. My mood was all over the show, I was obsessed with wanting to fix myself, until one day I came across a teacher, who literally changed my life.
He sat me down and told me I didn’t need to change or fix myself, I was already perfect, I just needed to understand the true nature of who I am. My true nature, under the layers of limiting negative thoughts and beliefs, was not my body or my mind, but limitless unconditional love.
Knowing how important this knowledge was, in 2016, I quit my job, travelled to India for 2 months to attend as many teachings I could on self enquiry, really understanding WHO I AM. I listened with an open mind, open heart and then meditated, meditated and meditated some more until… BOOM!! For the first time in my life I got it!
I fell in love with my inner being through a really deep connection, feeling and understanding. I was able to be a witness to my thoughts and feelings, without any attachment. I knew 100% in that moment who I was, and my state of consciousness expanded.
Since that moment, falling in love with who I am, everything I used to crave for fulfilment, food, booze, sex, relationships, has significantly faded. My body is the best it has ever looked. I’ve lost weight without even trying! I feel more confident, strong, courageous and calm. Anxiety and fear is no longer stopping me from saying YES to life, I’ve never felt more alive!
Through loving Self awareness, I now trust that within me are all the answers, I’m my own guru when it comes to living a fulfilling, authentic life! My life is not perfect, I still make mistakes all the time, but by loving who I am, I accept that making mistakes is OK, its what creates a positive shift to take place!
Today, I no longer try and control every aspect of my life. I’ve learnt the power of letting go, being in flow and gratefully accept every outcome good or bad, trusting my intuition/soul/divine source/God ( whatever you want to call it ) will bring me all I need.
This is my life now and I have never felt more in love, happy and free which is why I want to share my experiences with you.
It’s not just about loving things, it’s about loving who you are through your own daily experiences! When you stop, breathe and tune in to your true Self, LOVE will follow.