If he doesn’t want a relationship…next please!

heart-1I’ve experienced this moment so many times before, I thought I was an expert at reading the signs, but this time it was different, we were really happy, he was pulling me closer rather than pushing me away.

Honestly, I was shocked when over the weekend when things were going really well, the guy I was opening up my heart to, proceeded to then tell me… ‘Look, I’m just not ready to be in a relationship, so I feel it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.’ What!? Are you serious!? Really? Wow!

As I now take time to process it all ( during the no contact phase ), my mind wants to relive all the moments where he made me believe he was ready for a relationship.

Where he talked about the future with me involved, where he told me he wanted to spend every day with me, where we effortlessly shared our lives together whether it was face to face, text or on the phone.

The moments where he invited me to meet his friends and family, where he told me he wanted to take care of me, where he wrote and played me a song on his guitar and then commented that he would play it at our wedding one day!? ( I’m sorry, but don’t say that to someone if you are not wanting to be in a relationship with them!? )

But most of all my mind wants to relive all the moments where he smiled at me when looking in my eyes, where he held me in his arms and gently kissed me. Where he told me I was beautiful, told me how happy I made him feel, that I made him smile and laugh.

That being with me was easy and enjoyable and he didn’t expect to feel this way for someone so soon.

So… the million dollar question every girls asks when she gets blindsided by a guy who acts like he is a relationship with you, and then calls it quits and walks out your door.

What the hell happened, what went wrong?

In the past I would blame myself, telling myself I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that, or the worst one of all … he broke it off with me because I wasn’t good looking enough ( a reoccurring belief I have that loves to come to the surface every time a relationship fails )

Well, this is where the story changes.

This time around, I chose to not blame myself, but instead trust that the reason why this happened is because the Universe was doing me a big fat favour!

I am ready to be in a loving relationship, and if the guy I am seeing isn’t on the same page, then of course it makes sense that we don’t spend anymore time together.

Yes it feels really shitty because there were so many good things that were working well, but if he is not ready for love, then I’m actually thankful he chose to end our time together after 2 months in!

So my advice to anyone that is reading this, and is experiencing a blindsided break up, be grateful that your heart is now free to be attracted to the right guy who is ready for love.

It doesn’t matter how many boxes your current man ticks, if he doesn’t tick the box that’s emotionally available and ready to love you, then the other boxes don’t count for much!

I love these points I came across a few days ago that Marianne Williamson shared on love…

  • Love is real, nothing else exists
  • Love is all that matters
  • Forgiveness is the key to happiness
  • Love is who you are, if your withholding love, you can’t be happy.

So don’t settle for someone who is not ready, trust your gut, trust your intuition ( both of mine told me to walk away a number of times ).

Own your own part in the relationship ending, learn the lesson, feel the pain, what does it reveal to you, what is it calling you to understand? Make amends, make changes, forgive and spend time alone to do the work on yourself.

Do things that make you happy and nurture the love within you, for me that’s been a lot of yoga, meditation, journal writing, spending time with good friends, walks in nature, red wine ( in moderation ), eating well and listening to my favourite music.

Our true nature, who we are, is to love wholeheartedly and fearlessly without any fear or doubt.

Don’t be afraid to want it, to ask for it, to feel it! If it’s not happening now in your current relationship, let go, walk away, open up your heart to the unknown, it will be worth the wait. x

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