Why is it that we always tend to focus on what we don’t have, so much so, it can make us feel like shit?!
Just when I was mentally listing all the things that were missing from my life, a good friend overseas sent me an email. She too was upset that her life wasn’t going to plan, and had increased her consumption of red wine, in order to escape feeling unease.
We’ve been good friends since the age of 16, and we both thought that by 35 ( our age now ) we would be married, we’d have successful careers, own property and be a few years away from popping out kids.
But the reality is we are both still single, both uncertain about our current careers, have yet to invest in a mortgage and now have the pressure that our biological clocks have a good 4-6 years left, if best.
I instantly felt compassion for her, I could feel her pain. To help her not feel alone in her suffering, I shared with her my current ‘life is not going how I want it to go’ list.
- Work ( I’ll be unemployed in a week- again – and no one wants to hire me?! )
- Home ( My flatmate moves out in 2 weeks and I can’t seem to find anyone right to move in?! )
- Career ( What the hell am I good at, what is my life’s purpose?! )
- Dating ( Total lack of action happening in this area, why have i yet to meet someone?! )
- Money ( More money is going out than in, and I don’t know when my next pay cheque will be?! )
After giving her pretty juicy detailed paragraphs on each topic, I then realised that actually, all the things I was complaining about, were things that will soon change, whether I like it or not.
Rather than accept the current circumstances as being exactly as they should be, the mind seems to find more comfort in making life out to be a MASSIVE struggle!! As humans we like to complain about what we don’t have, we like to play the victim, ‘oh you think your life is bad, listen to mine’ sort of thing.
When writing down my list of complaints, I could clearly see all the negative thoughts and beliefs that were getting in my own way. It was clear that within every ‘so called’ struggle I actually had the power within my own mind to see it in a different way. I could either feel stressed and depressed, or I could feel chilled out and content.
- Work ( I’ll get work- I always do – and while I’m unemployed, I’ll catch up on my course work that’s due!)
- Home ( I’ll find an awesome flatmate- I always do! )
- Career ( Just be patient, follow charm, the right work will reveal itself! )
- Dating ( It will happen when I least expect it- it always does!)
- Money ( I have more than enough, I’ll be fine, it’s all good! )
Within a few minutes my mind went from negative nancy to positive… pauline?
We carry so much fear around the future, yet it’s not the future that’s the problem, it’s our minds wanting it to go a certain way!
FACT- Life is out of our control, every thought the mind produces you can never predict, if you could, tell me what you are about to think in the next minute? It’s impossible. Every new thought turns into a action ( if you allow it ) which then creates a new life event.
To add to that, everything external is also out of our control ( nature, health, other peoples thoughts and actions ) which means obsessing about an ideal future is pointless, as there is a good chance something completely different will take place!
Life loves to throw unexpected curve balls, ( you lose your job, your partner cheats on you, a family member get sick ) yet the best thing to do, is just try to juggle those balls in the present moment, using self love, optimism and kindness.
Self awareness gives you master skills to juggle the curve balls. Self awareness helps you love who you are, not tomorrow, but today.