When someone tells me I’m attractive, I cringe and reply with an awkward ‘thanks’ and then quickly try to change the subject, what is with that? Yesterday I was told by a stranger that he knew I was a confident person by the way I walked, yet I second guessed if I was or not, what is what that? Today I was told by a teacher that I am a beautiful person, with a big heart, with so much potential, greatness and power ( how nice is that?! ) yet my first thought was, ummm.. ok, are you sure about that? Once again… what is what that!?
I’ll tell you what it is, it’s my mind acting INSANE!!! I keep getting told all the things that I want to hear, yet my mind comes rocking in and screams out, you can’t possibly be attractive with potential for greatness, there’s still so many things that need to be changed?!
Luckily through all my experiences and lots of meditation, I have learnt to be more kind to myself through my mind. A majority of the time I do feel happy, grounded and balanced. I don’t suffer from low self esteem or hate myself. I have many moments throughout the day where I mentally high five myself for what I am accomplishing, and most of the time I can look in the mirror and be accepting of what I see ( phew! ) BUT, when it comes to people complimenting me, I have trouble believing it, Self love goes flying out the window and my mind steps in and becomes my worst enemy.
When I stop loving myself ( the Self ), my mind is awesome at convincing me that I need fix myself! When I stop loving myself, my mind is awesome at avoiding the present moment and instead figures out what actions I need to take in the future in order to become successful, healthy, happy, attractive, wealthy, lovable, the perfect package for 2016! I realised today that this is the NUMBER 1 issue that is holding me back and causing me so much doubt and anxiety, I simply stop loving the Self in the present moment! I forget who I really am!
So… just in case I need to remind myself again, when self doubt arises… who am I? I’m a beautiful unique flower, created for a reason, in a garden of many beautiful flowers, so STOP COMPARING YOURSELF! Stop trying to fix yourself, you are perfect just the way you are! Smile, enjoy life, love who you are!
When I started my blog in 2012, I called it todayiloved, so that for an entire year I would be grateful for one thing every day, and it was a pretty amazing year! Today I thought about those words again ‘today i loved’, and what they mean to me now 4 years on. What is it that I would love today if I could choose anything? What is most important to me now? What would help me become more successful, healthy, happy, attractive, wealthy, lovable? It’s the Self. My inner Self. Nothing more, nothing less, I understand the simplicity of this now.
A teacher in India shared this with me today. ‘Everything in life happens by itself, so don’t worry, smile, JUST BE, have fun! Every morning look into your eyes, love who you see, you are awesome, you are beautiful, love the Self! This is all you need.’
Start loving the Self today and every day and then see what follows!