The New!

image

I was told by many that quitting my job, to travel to overseas and return to the unknown was very brave. But to me it never felt brave, it felt sane! Why would you keep doing something you are bored with, when you could be doing something exciting and new?

I honestly feel many people never really question why they are unhappy, I was one of them, I just keep doing the same thing over and over because it felt comfortable, even though deep down I felt frustrated, bored and incredibly restless.

I was over feeling this way, which is why I quit my job, flew to India, where through plenty of meditation I had a inner conscious awakening. I realised my old way of thinking, doing the same thing because it felt safe, was not working, I had to let go of my negative old beliefs, love who I am, trust I’ve got the goods within for greatness and embrace the new!

Since returning home last week, each day I meditate, tune in, listen to what I need to do, 100% trust that my inner guru ( intuition/being/God ) knows best, let go of expectation and just go with the flow.

By following through on every idea that pops in to my head, without questioning it, I have quickly noticed many positive changes take place! I’ve decluttered my entire home making it a beautiful and useful space, effortlessly lost weight, got an interview for a dream job, saved money on a new latptop, found a entrepreneurial workspace that’s affordable and registered for an online course to help turn my dreams in to a reality! All in just 1 week!

It can be overwhelming returning from 2 months overseas, with no job, living off a certain amount of savings. I notice that my mind craves security, so every time I spend money ( especially on an expensive notebook and online course! ) my mind freaks out! But the thing about money, if you are not spending it to improve your life, help you achieve your dreams, whats the point of having it?

Rather than let my mind be consumed with fear and anxiety, I’ve shifted it to trust and love whatever happens today, including all the uncertainty of tomorrow.

Since quitting my job I am the happiest I have felt in a very long time! By choosing to love and embrace the new, trust that I am supported no matter what, I now know what its like to feel free! 🙂

Today I loved the Self!

imageWhen someone tells me I’m attractive, I cringe and reply with an awkward ‘thanks’ and then quickly try to change the subject, what is with that? Yesterday I was told by a stranger that he knew I was a confident person by the way I walked, yet I second guessed if I was or not, what is what that? Today I was told by a teacher that I am a beautiful person, with a big heart, with so much potential, greatness and power ( how nice is that?! ) yet my first thought was, ummm.. ok, are you sure about that? Once again… what is what that!?

I’ll tell you what it is, it’s my mind acting INSANE!!! I keep getting told all the things that I want to hear, yet my mind comes rocking in and screams out, you can’t possibly be attractive with potential for greatness, there’s still so many things that need to be changed?!

Luckily through all my experiences and lots of meditation, I have learnt to be more kind to myself through my mind. A majority of the time I do feel happy, grounded and balanced. I don’t suffer from low self esteem or hate myself. I have many moments throughout the day where I mentally high five myself for what I am accomplishing, and most of the time I can look in the mirror and be accepting of what I see ( phew! ) BUT, when it comes to people complimenting me, I have trouble believing it, Self love goes flying out the window and my mind steps in and becomes my worst enemy.

When I stop loving myself ( the Self ), my mind is awesome at convincing me that I need fix myself! When I stop loving myself, my mind is awesome at avoiding the present moment and instead figures out what actions I need to take in the future in order to become successful, healthy, happy, attractive, wealthy, lovable, the perfect package for 2016! I realised today that this is the NUMBER 1 issue that is holding me back and causing me so much doubt and anxiety, I simply stop loving the Self in the present moment! I forget who I really am!

So… just in case I need to remind myself again, when self doubt arises… who am I? I’m a beautiful unique flower, created for a reason, in a garden of many beautiful flowers, so STOP COMPARING YOURSELF! Stop trying to fix yourself, you are perfect just the way you are! Smile, enjoy life, love who you are! 

When I started my blog in 2012, I called it todayiloved, so that for an entire year I would be grateful for one thing every day, and it was a pretty amazing year! Today I thought about those words again ‘today i loved’, and what they mean to me now 4 years on. What is it that I would love today if I could choose anything? What is most important to me now? What would help me become more successful, healthy, happy, attractive, wealthy, lovable? It’s the Self. My inner Self. Nothing more, nothing less, I understand the simplicity of this now.

A teacher in India shared this with me today. ‘Everything in life happens by itself, so don’t worry, smile, JUST BE, have fun! Every morning look into your eyes, love who you see, you are awesome, you are beautiful, love the Self! This is all you need.’

Start loving the Self today and every day and then see what follows! 

Camille x

image

 

Happy ‘Brand Spanking’ New Year!

imageDay 2 of 2016 and I’ve already broken a couple of my New Years Resolutions, which is a pretty disappointing effort on my part, but if I am being honest, my list this year was a bit on the greedy/demanding side, normally people pick one, I went with 10!

I had the usual eat well, exercise, meditate, but then I threw in be loving and kind towards others, desire less, consume less, complain less, be more content with what you have, attract loving relationships into your life with love, connect more with your inner Self and let go of trying to control everything! But the irony is, I can now clearly see that my list is me trying to control every aspect of my life, thinking that if I do, I will become this perfect human being!

Fact- It’s impossible to be a perfect human being and New Years Resolutions easily get broken because life is bloody hard! Every day you are confronted with some sort of challenge ( especially in India where I am at the moment, don’t even get me started! ) and it’s way more comfortable to revert back to old patterns of thinking and behaving rather than implement new changes that require some effort. Rather than accept this reality, we instead make a specific list and then feel disappointed as soon as we fail ( which you most likely will, unless you are in the minority who have one good NY resolution and obsess over it for the next 365 days and then revert back to old habits the following year )

So I am throwing out my unrealistic list and instead I’m putting focus on just showing up each day and doing the best I can, I call this Love. A big part of being able to do this comes with another word, acceptance. When i arrived in Tiruvannamalai, India over a week ago, the accommodation I had prebooked and paid for with an Indian friend of my American friend was not what I had been shown in photos. There wasn’t a bed, instead a dirty mattress on the floor without any sheets, the bathroom was dirty, no toilet paper, full of mosquitos and overall it just had a really bad vibe. I had paid decent money and mentioned to him that I wasn’t happy with what i had got BUT because it was late that night, I was tired from the 8 hour all up trip, he had to go back to Chennai for 3 days, I accepted my situation and went to bed ( praying that the mosquitos didn’t eat me alive and that my back would survive )

What I didn’t accept though is bad business, getting ripped off by someone who I thought was a good person helping me out. I found out the next day when visiting the much nicer hotel next door that I had been charged nearly three times as much!! I’ve been in India 5 weeks and this was my first experience of getting screwed over, and it was by the one person I had trusted most, I wasn’t impressed!!! But for whatever reason ( maybe because I was a kind person and actually gave the Indian guy extra money on top for helping me out ) I was blessed. The hotel owner next door ( who is now my saviour ) took me in the next day temporarily, having to move some people around as he is booked out, came over to my dodgy hotel and translated my concerns to the owner who didn’t speak English, then a few days later had very firm words to my dodgy so called Indian friend, and arranged for me to get ALL my money back, this very rarely happens in India, so I am incredibly lucky, which I called being blessed!!

There is a fine line between acceptance and being taken for a ride, it’s called the middle line. Challenges take place all the time, they are unavoidable and show up whenever they want, this is life. What I have learnt in India is rather than get upset and angry about it, it’s best to just surrender, calm the mind, listen to the inner guidance, and trust that it will all work out in the end. Every action has a reaction, which is a lesson. When it comes to India, don’t pay anything in advanced. Be clear about what you want and what you have paid for as they will try to get as much money from you as they can. I never ended up on the street, in the end I got better accommodation. Also having spent time looking at many rental rooms in India, I am incredibly grateful for my living conditions at home, especially my bed!

So to sum it all up, 2016 is the year I choose to be more loving, accepting and trust that whatever happens, regardless of getting what I want or don’t want at the time, always works out in the end!

PS The love heart stone in the photo I bought on New Years Day, along a path in the Arunachala mountain, after a beautiful deep meditation in Ramana Maharshi’s Virupaksha Cave. It was a gift and reminder to myself to love more in 2016. If you are into meditation, I highly recommend jumping on a plane and spending some quality time in Tiruvannamalai, especially up the mountain, healing takes place!